"The bad noos is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pecker. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena." Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Lyle. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?" Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."This one is compliments of RabbiRabbit1. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.2. The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did.She's 25, and her name's Candy.3. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50.It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.4. My son was thrown out of. “Go on, and make up a story on your way home to explain the time in case anyone asks. And tomorrow morning, you lay waste to your aunt Diane, fuck her into a stupor! So by the time they figure it out, we have what we need.”Back at Bob’s place scheming was going on too.“You could have waited a week or two, the party convention is tomorrow.” Diane complained, “Folding up Haas West is going to be a lot of work, we need to organize a buyout. Oh, Tommy; good you’re here, we’re going to need your signature on things.”I just nodded like the village idiot they seemed to think I was.The next morning, Bob and Diane left early for the state party convention; Diane was hoping to be nominated as a state representative. It looked like I wasn’t going to have to do it with her again, and that was a huge relief.I went into her study, hoping I’d be able to get at the checks. Cousin Fey was there, working at Diane’s desk.She was a little younger than me; not quite 17. She was a bit hot in a schoolgirl.
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